Do you think we should drive a stake through his heart just in case?
--Peter Lorre to Vincent Price at Bela Lugosi's funeral
What Cadet Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do on the Enterprise.
19) May not use the ship self-destruct codes for free verse on open mike night.
38) There is no such thing as "Naked Thursdays" on my homeworld.
40) Cannot threaten to report the Captain to "Admiral Buck Rogers".
59) Go-go boots and miniskirts are no longer regulation uniforms for female starfleet officers. They are even more certainly not regulation for male starfleet officers.
130) No captain of a smaller starship should be accused of having "nacelle envy". Especially not over hailing frequencies.
147) I did not feel a great disturbance in the Force.
174) I may not set the holodeck to simulate a gaping hole leading out into space, and cling shrieking to the doorway.
178) Henceforth, the "high score" indicator will be removed from the main viewscreen.
183) We do not "fix bayonets" when beaming down on an away mission.
184) Wherever I got the bayonet, I have to return it immediately.
264) I am prohibited from attempting to capture alien beings of pure light in a jar for use as a nightlight.
267) Starfleet does not owe me "three hundred trillion frequent flier miles."
288) "Funk" is not a recognized religion, and James Brown's birthday is not a recognized holiday.
322) The Horta is a valued fellow sentient and crew-member. It is not my "pet rock."
332) You are not phase shifted out of synch with the rest of the crew, no matter how many times you say it.
333) Even if you were, you would still have to wear pants.
The list continues for several pages, so page down. Via Jon Acheson, who also contributed to the list.
"Physicists in Germany have created a material that is harder than diamond. Natalia Dubrovinskaia and colleagues at the University of Bayreuth made the new material by subjecting carbon-60 molecules to immense pressures. The new form of carbon, which is known as aggregated diamond nanorods, is expected to have many industrial applications.
"The hardness of a material is measured by its isothermal bulk modulus. Aggregated diamond nanorods have a modulus of 491 gigapascals (GPa), compared with 442 GPa for conventional diamond. Dubrovinskaia and two of her co-workers - Leonid Dubrovinky and Falko Langenhorst - have patented the process used to make the new material."
Maybe he needs a transfusion, Sam. LET'S GO GET SOME BLOOD!
--Sam and Max
Occasionally something is invented that's several hundred or thousand years ahead of its time. One of these is the firepiston, which is ancient in the Pacific islands but whose method of operation wasn't really understood until Age of Enlightenment.
SAM: By the way, Max. That was a brilliant idea, stuffing the muffler full of thousands and thousands of match heads and igniting them thereupon providing adequate thrust to break free of the earth's pull.
MAX: Thanks, Sam. I thought it up with my huge brain.
Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
We now present to you 200 things not allowed in a RPG. Among them are:
6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
78. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.
105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.
167. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason.
174. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
The link was found by Jon Acheson, whose character has violated Rule #78 at least once in my RPG.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Biomechanoid